Have you ever been in a relationship with someone you love? Someone you could connect with and who added value to your life? When you are in a new relationship, you feel like you're on cloud nine. But it can be hard when a person has to deal with downfalls within their relationship. We tend to overlook the problems and ignore what is right in front of us. Instead of finding healthy ways to work it out, we continue to ignore the source of all our problems.
Past Traumas and Repeating Patterns
Why is this the case? Some people have difficulty maintaining a long-term romantic relationship because they have had bad experiences. Traumatizing events affect the decisions you make later on. Although we may not have been taught how to be in a relationship, some may learn from their past experiences and make different choices. One of those choices can be choosing to lash out emotionally.
Toxic relationships can take a toll on individuals emotionally and physically. You are not in an environment where proper communication is easy to come across. Both sides are continuing habits that are harming the relationship. Whenever you are in an unhealthy scenario, it can be hard to leave because of the emotional attachment. Individuals in this situation can't see for themselves that this relationship is toxic. In the article Toxic relationships: A serious threat to mental health showcases why people tend to stay in those relationships:
“The most devastating thing about toxic relationships is that they trap victim and perpetrator (and in many cases, the people involved play both roles at various times) in a cycle of stress and negativity that feels impossible to escape and over time conditions the players to accept the situation and not even try to get out.”
Taking Care of Yourself Before Taking Care of Others
When we are not in a positive frame of mind, we fail to put ourselves first. Individuals tend to forget the importance of self-care because of what is going on at home. They tend to put other people's health over their own-this leads them to not pay attention to taking care of their personal needs. In the article why self care is essential to mental health by pathways behavioral services explains why self care is important
"Adopting self-care tips into your daily or weekly routine is not only vital for your mental health, research suggests the more we practice self-care activities, the more confident, creative, and productive we are. Not to mention we also experience more joy, make better decisions, build stronger relationships and communicate more effectively."
We must find love in ourselves before trying to find love anywhere else. Too many individuals go into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Since they are not getting love from themselves, they will try to get it from someone else. In the article How Toxic relationships affect mental health by the website deer media talks about how self-esteem is affected by toxic relationships:
"Being treated poorly leads to a poor relationship with yourself. And suddenly you may experience less confidence in your abilities, your dreams, and your instincts."
Shifting from Bad to Better
We have to acknowledge what type of relationships would benefit our mental health. Picking and choosing what will help you grow as an individual is a great way to start on a new healthy path. When coming out of a toxic situation, it can be hard for you to stay away from old habits. You have to remember the changes you are trying to make and why. If you need help with going on the right path, there is nothing wrong with getting a second opinion from a therapist.
Overall, relationships play a huge part in our everyday lives.. We must understand that our mental health always comes first because if we are not mentally healthy we can not foster an environment for a healthy relationship. Being in a healthy relationship can give you a positive effect on life. It can not only give you more hope but more possibility. The article called How relationships affect mental health, and overall well-being references studies that found the positive effects of a healthy relationship:
Healthy relationships and good mental health can contribute to:
lower rates of anxiety and depression
more trusting and cooperative relationships
As you go through life, understand we all have struggles. While some are still trying to overcome the past trauma they face, there are others finding new ways to deal with it today. It is up to you to not let it fully control your life and make you repeat those same actions. If you are in a relationship that makes you happy, live your life to the fullest. But if you are in a situation that is not healthy, then something needs to change. It is not easy to leave a toxic relationship because you are connected emotionally. No one is worth your time if they cannot treat you right- as long as you put your needs first, you will always be in a better place.